I'm not going to South Africa. So instead I'm gonna try and watch a bit if not all of every game at work, or at home or in a bar or wherever. On the telly. With a beer. And I'm gonna predict who I think is gonna win. And talk about football stuff. So there.

Tuesday, 29 June 2010

9th: PORTUGAL

It took Spain to expose Portugal for the side they've become - a side totally reliant on stolid, ultimately boring defence, and the skills of Ronaldo. Aside from that, they have very little going for them, and not so much to look forward to.

The Figo, Simao, Nuno Gomes, Pauleta era is over. The young Portuguese side that dominated the youth game in the late 90s now all retired, save for Simao who must be close to hanging up the coloured boots.

If only Ronaldo had been around in their day, perhaps they may have won something. But the future looks like Ronaldo will become the equivalent of Giggs at Wales. A fantastic player with absolutely no one else in his team anywhere near as good. Ah, well.

10th: JAPAN

They came a penalty shoot out away from getting further in the tournament than they've ever been. But it wasn't to be. But the Japanese can still be proud of their performance in the tournament. It was their game against Denmark in which they really came to life, two great free kicks the abiding memory of that one. Other than that, it could be said they did little to leave their mark, but I think their fans will be happy enough they stayed involved as long as they did.

Last 16: Spain 1-0 Portugal

Games like this need to stop being bigged-up by the pundits, as there's a general rule of thumb that the bigger the build up, the bigger the let-down the game is. And so it proved.

It was all down to Portugal's negativity and Carlos Queiroz's questionable tactics. Ronaldo hardly put a foot right all tournament and will be thankful his 'mate' Rooney had an even worse time. Spain were all over the Portuguese in this one, clearly the better footballing side. But it took them just over an hour to break the deadlock.

And a game that started in a disarmingly friendly manner when Ronaldo hugged all the Spaniards as the team walked the line after the anthems, ended with a red card for Portugal and a Spanish defender clearly offering a Portugeezer 'out', though seeing as they were already outside, this would have to have been an offer in.

Terrible let down the game, though.

Last 16: Paraguay 0-0 Japan (Paraguay win on penalties)

Saw very little of this as work rudely got in the way. But from all reports both sides concentrated on not getting beaten rather then going for the win, which is very disappointing, and certainly not in keeping with the way Japan have approached the competition thus far.

In the end it gave us a chance to see the first penalty competition of this World Cup. And it was one where there was no hero, only a villain. The Japanese guy now joins the list of the unfortunates to blast one over the bar and cost his team a place in the next round. Chris Waddle is a member of that group, as is Roberto Baggio. So he's in good company. Well, fairly good.

Monday, 28 June 2010

SHORT ESSAY: Are England really that bad, or just really unlucky?

Yes, yes, yes, England were poor against Germany and the other three teams we played in this World Cup. But are things really as bad as people would have us believe? The 44 years of hurt and all that? Are our players lagging so far behind the rest of the world? Sure, we play a different game, that's not so pleasing on the eye. But not everyone can or should be playing the same way, or the same formation of 4-2-3-1 or whatever it is.

There are few advantages to being as old as I, but one is the fact that I was of legal drinking age (just) during Italia '90, so I witnessed what has been our best World Cup with a pint in my hand and eternal respect for the legend that is Lineker. Two penalties to turn it round against the Cameroon, a goal and a penalty in the semi. Can't ask for more.

So that's a semi-final that we lost on penalties. Yeah it hurt, but getting to the semis was an awesome experience.

But since then, yes we've been poor in places, but we've also been very unlucky. And it's mainly been down to refs and linesmen seeing incidents we don't want them to see, and not seeing incidents we do want them to see. And the odd goalkeeping eff-up.

The evidence is all there/here/ right in front of you ref-er-ree...

The Koeman incident that stopped us qualifying for USA '94. Ref should have seen it. And obviously, the likes of Carlton Palmer would have led us to victory in LA over Brazil...

The Beckham sending off in '98 during a game we would have gone on to win. Why did the ref see that petulant flick of the leg? It only took a second for heaven's sake. Why was he looking right at it, eyeing up Beck's leg? He could have and should have been looking at whoever had the ball, his linesman or some fit bird on the terraces. Sol Campbell also had a goal disallowed in the game, because the ref saw a push by Shearer. Why see that? Look somewhere else and we score and go onto thrash the French in Paris.

2002, Seaman should have seen that one coming from Ronaldinho. A bit more awareness and our lads would have taken it to extra time, beat the Brazilians on penalties and thrashed the Germans in the final. Easy.

2006, why did the ref see Rooney stamp on Carvalho's nuts and then see fit to listen to the winker Ronaldo and give Rooney his marching orders? If we'd have kept it 11 vs 11, Rooney would have wreaked his revenge against his cheating team-mate and scored a hat-trick that would have fired us all the way into a final against the Italians in which he would have scored four more and led us to another triumph.

And now there's 2010 to add to the list of eff-ups by match efficials. Thank you, the linesman and ref who didn't see the ball cross the line against Germany. Had Lampard's strike counted, we'd have gone in at the half all square, our tails up having fought back from two down. And we'd not have had to chase the game and not been caught out by the sucker punches of the counter attacks. We'd have gone on to replicate the 1966 4-2 scoreline, and gone on and on after that to do the Dutch in the final.

Alack, poor Yorick, England are not one of the World Cup luckies. The same teams seem to get all the breaks. Can't remember a controversial decision going against Brazil. Or Argentina. Or Germany. That helps explain why these nations are always there or thereabouts.

Yes, England sucked several eggs during this World Cup, but until officialdom stops making eff-ups that eff-up our confidence, what we gonna do, but keep losing out...

11th: CHILE

They looked good in the group stages. An exciting team to watch with a few stars who know where the goals are (at either end for the stars who don't - mainly English). But they never really looked like causing a shock against the Brazilians. They certainly had a go, but there's no room for have a go heros in the World Cup. You've got to have the skills to back it up and a fair share of luck besides. The luck seems to reside with the same handful of World Cup teams, every time. And Chile, like England, just ain't in the lucky club.

12th: SLOVAKIA

The pick of the Eastern Europeans. Getting this far has to be deemed a success by them and their fans. From what I saw of them, they always seemed to be prepared to give it a go, even against what seemed like insurmountable odds. The Dutch were always going to be a tough side for them to beat, and so it proved, but they blazed a trail for other nations of their size, showing that with a bit of positivity, you can get out of your Group and into the knockout stages.

Last 16: Brazil 3-0 Chile

Not the most exciting of games. Brazil just turned up, played some lovely football, banged in three goals, soaked up some Chilean pressure and shook the ref's hand at the end. Job done. Now bring on the Dutch.

It's a sad indictment of our game, but the best performing Englishman at this World Cup has been and will be referee Howard Webb. He didn't take any nonsense in this south American derby, and could be a good bet to get the whistle in his mouth for the final. His linos didn't put a flag wrong all game either, snapping up offsides and letting non-offsides go wherever and whenever they occurred.

Chile kept going, but once it got to three there was never any likelihood that they were going to win 4-3.

Last 16: Holland 2-1 Slovakia

The late, late equaliser from the spot makes this one look closer than it probably was. I say 'probably' because I wasn't able to get much of a look at the game, having returned to work after my ten-day break, the day after England's exit.

My only remaining hope is that Holland take home the trophy and win me a ton, as I put a tenner on them at 9-1 at the start of the tournament. I've not seen much to dissuade me from thinking they can't go all the way, save the fact that they're likely to be playing Brazil in the quarters.

Ah...

13th: MEXICO

The stats will say that this is the fifth World Cup in a row in which the Mexicans have been knocked out in the Last 16. And the second in a row that Argentina have done the knocking out.

But it was close up until the lino failed to see a blatant offside that gave Argentina the lead. And when the stadium telly man accidentally played a replay of the goal on the big screen, the Mexicans surrounded the linesman raising their arms as if to say that's what you should have done with your flag, speccy. Tevez was clearly offside. But the linesman's mind was not for changing. And neither was the Mexicans' luck.

They played well this tournament, coming out of a pretty tough Group A. Hernandez looks a good player and will be off to Man Utd in the off season. But up against the class of Argentina, they were always going struggle. And struggle they did.

14th: ENGLAND

Piss poor really. I thought that England would tumble out in the quarters against the Argies, having scraped through against Ghana in the last 16. But that all went to pot as soon as we failed to score enough against Slovenia to win the group.

You can't say we even came close. No one put in a stunning performance all tournament long, and if our group hadn't been one of the weakest, it's doubtful we'd have made it even this far. Which is not far at all. And certainly not far enough for a team of millionaires with a manager who's paid £6 million a year. Dear? Dear o dear.